It’s Ok For It To Be Messy…

Yes, on a flight I gave my kid chocolate milk in a bottle.

Yes, I gave my kid chocolate milk in a bottle to stop the crying on a long haul flight. I was totally judged for this move btw.  I thought they’d be grateful for the quiet.

Sunday May 8, 2016

Hey Kate,

I actually had a completely different letter lined up for you – but today, Mother’s Day, in my most relaxing moment so far (everyone left the house after lots of shouting and bickering) I realized I wanted to talk to you about something else entirely…

As I scrolled through all the shiny versions of this day – on websites, social media and of course the ads that kept popping up in my feed: I kept thinking that we treat mothering like we do birth meaning we sanitize & saccharine the f*ck out of it.

And it does it and us no favours.

Boy 1 turns 10 this week – a decade into this role (which admittedly is not that long) –

But my biggest take away so far is that yes all the cliches are truer than I ever understood: maternal love is awe inspiring, gut wrenching, maddening and uplifting, but more often than not it’s messy, not just dirty but gritty, emotionally draining, frustrating and it doesn’t make for a good picture.

It rarely looks like we want it to or thought it would or worst of all think it should.

And I constantly think that if we could find a way to make the mess ok – free up how we think it has to be, it would be so much better for everyone.

And maybe that would make the ties and relationships that come with it (which are both primal and yet utterly complex, nuanced and emotional mine fields) easier on us all.

I’m thinking of my own relationship with my Mother which has easily been the driving definer of my life when I write that…

Sigh,

Anyway, how is life over there these days? Spring editing underway in full force?

Fill me in – it’s been way too long!

xo. Reva

Read Kate’s last letter here

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